Calling all my lovely long-term lovers who have made it into that enviable Serious Relationship stage: Can we all get honest about something for a second? Like, specifically, the fact that once you’ve been dating your partner for a while, it’s easy for things to get—well, a little bit stagnant, no? While settling into routines and establishing comfort with a partner is a beautiful thing—don’t get me wrong—one of the greatest, longest lasting joys of a relationship is getting to keep growing together. And yet, unfortch, it can be all too easy to settle into a rut when you’ve been coupled up for a minute. Hence why couple goals are so important.
No, I’m not talking about “couple goals” in the circa-2014 sense of, “Omg #couplegoals!” Sure, power couples are here to stay (and slay), but when I say “couple goals,” what I mean is actual goals for you and your partner to set together. You know, things you aim to achieve together in order to continue exploring each other’s hearts and minds and make your bond stronger and such.
Much like anything else in life, whether it’s your job, your progress in therapy, or your finances, setting goals in your relationship is key if you want to, IDK, actually make any kind of progress! Remember—contrary to what pretty much every rom-com, Disney movie, and Jane Austen novel led us to believe—relationships don’t just stop at happily ever after. They do, in fact, take work in order to grow and evolve in a healthy way. In fact, according to a 2023 study published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, couples that made goals together (and made progress on those goals) reported higher levels of satisfaction with their lives. So, yeah, we’d say it’s time to set some!
The good news is, setting couple goals doesn’t always have to involve big, serious stuff like, “buy a home together” (Though, if you’re in that kind of place financially, by all means, go forth and own property). Whether you’re looking to start small or dream big, here are 50 relationship goals worth working into your long-term plan.
1. Make a playlist for each other
Music is a great way to share your inner life with your partner. New music is always coming out and, frankly, it can get surprisingly overwhelming to find new jams! Make a pact to create a playlist of 10 or so songs you’re truly vibing to right now and send it to each other each month.
2. Read a book together
Even if you aren’t big readers, choosing a book to dive into together is a great way to curate an immediate common interest and spark some conversations that you likely wouldn’t have otherwise. Also, you’ll probably, you know, learn something!
3. Discuss your five-year plan
If this is a long-term kinda thing, discussing what you each foresee the next few years to look like for you as a couple—from marriage to finances to individual career aspirations—can help you become more aligned.
4. Schedule sex
Yeah, it may not seem like the most glamorous way to get down and dirty. But if life has taken you away from getting intimate with each other (which Is! Very! Common!), put it on the damn calendar!
5. Cook a new dinner recipe together
Get your culinary skills sharpened (and your taste buds excited) by whipping up something new together in the kitchen. Half the fun is recipe research and shopping for ingredients together—which, tbh, kind of doubles as a date in and of itself. Remember, the couple who grocery shops together (and still low-key gets excited about it) stays together.
6. Spend the night at a local hotel
Play tourist in your own city and book a stay at a hotel in your area. Getting out of your apartment(s) for a night and imbibing some new scenery can help you feel like you’re taking a little romantic vacay—even if you’re just going a few blocks down the road.
7. See a couples therapist
Having a third party help you address issues (or future goals) you may be stuck resolving or figuring out is a great way to make your relationship stronger. Investing the time to improve old habits or things impending your communication is a win-win.
8. Volunteer together
Doing charitable work is a great way to build gratitude and appreciation for each other and the life you have while also doing some genuine good for others.
9. Express your annoyances
I know you already know this, but holding in all those things that are bothering you will only lead to resentment. Make a commitment to finding a time and place for each of you to express things that have been bothering you (and/or annoying the hell out of you) each week—whether that’s couple’s therapy (ahem, see above) or a special night in you set aside for some one-on-one, no-fault airing of the grievances.
10. Spend time apart
In case you haven’t heard, it’s also important to maintain individual interests and hobbies while in a relationship. Encourage each other to pursue things outside of simply spending time together.
11. Join a rec league
Softball, kickball, whatever sporty undertaking strikes your fancy. Not only is it a fun activity to do as a couple, but you’ll also expand your social circle. Remember, even people in the most loving, Insta-perfect, envy-inducing relationships still need friends!
12. Have phone-free meals together
Banning phones from the dinner table is a great way to guarantee presence while you eat together. Taking away distraction from phones will help you avoid dipping into work, headlines or other interruptions so you can soak up all that ~quality time~.
13. Get in a daily walk
Moving your bodies together (no, not like that—but okay, also like that) is a great way to get the conversation and ideas flowing. Plus, fresh air and exercise is great for your individual physical and mental health.
14. Make a sex bucket list
Talk about your fantasies to keep things interesting in the bedroom (and beyond). Sharing your needs (and desires) will bond you more than ever.
15. Celebrate accomplishments
Did your partner earn a promotion? Finish a half marathon she was training for? Acknowledge your partner’s ‘wins’ with a thoughtful card, meal, or get-together to honor their achievement.
16. Try a new type of cuisine
Listen, we can all get a little set in our takeout ways. Next time you’re about to Grubhub the same Friday night pizza you’ve been eating for years, why not take a chance on a restaurant with a new type of food you’ve never tried and expand your palates together? (Hey, it may just become your new fave!)
17. Call your partner’s mom
No, not to tell her that he’s fucking up big time, (you either get the Lana reference or you don’t) but just to catch up—with your partner’s knowledge and permission, of course. Strengthening your bond with your partner’s family will not only make you closer with them, but your partner will appreciate the extra effort and energy you put into caring for his loved ones, too.
18. Start an herb garden
Have some pace in your backyard, access to a community garden, or a corner inside your apartment? Start growing an herb garden together. Nurture your plants (and your plates!) as you take care of your plants.
19. Pull out the childhood photos
Talking about your upbringing is sooo much more fun when accompanied by actual pictures from your youth (yes, even if you were still stuck in your ugly phase). Giving each other a glimpse of who you were before you matured into the fabulous versions of yourselves you know and love today will help you, at minimum, understand each other a little more—and hopefully provide lots of laughs.
20. Make new holiday traditions together
Establishing new traditions (especially around the holidays) as a couple is a great way to cement who you are and what’s important to you—and, you know, also a great way to avoid having to bear witness to the same the fight your mom and her sister get into every single year. Just saying!
21. Talk about money
I know, spooky. But whatever your financial situations are as individuals and as a couple, checking in with each other about your finances is huge—dare I say, imperative. Set a (recurring) date to discuss your budget, financial goals, savings and more.
22. Establish boundaries around social media
If you love to share on the socials (but your partner maybe doesn’t), make sure you understand what you each are (and aren’t) comfortable with and make a plan to honor those boundaries.
23. Talk about your fears
Don’t keep your concerns and anxieties to yourself. Whatever is consuming your mental energy about your relationship, your career, your family or friends, discuss it with your partner rather than closing yourself off.
24. Do a sound bath or meditation
Taking time to do a mindfulness activity together, like a sound bath or meditation, can help calm and reinvigorate both of you individually (and, by extension, your relationship, obvs).
25. Take a day trip
A mini one-day vacay that’s a couple hours (or less) away from home can bring lots of adventure and excitement to your relationship. Plus, it requires less planning, coordinating, and money than a true vacation-vacation, y’know?
26. Manage (and discuss) your expectations
You’re never gonna believe this, but it turns out resentment can build between you and your partner if you harbor expectations without discussing them. Who?! Knew?! JK, we literally all knew. But somehow, it’s still hard sometimes to actually voice those wants. But it really shouldn’t be! Appreciate little love notes but don’t get them often enough? Hate receiving flowers, but your partner often gets them for you? Talk about things and actions that make you feel loved (and what doesn’t).
27. Offer constructive criticism
Listen, sometimes talking openly and honestly with each other can also involve a certain degree of…critique. Rather than going all in on the harsh judgment, strive to keep conversations open and only offer constructive criticism when asked for it.
28. Give compliments freely and often
Like something your partner is doing? Or saying? Or smelling like? From a fresh haircut to loving their singing voice to the vibe of a new outfit, verbalize how you feel to your partner. That kinda thing goes much farther than you think it does—especially for us words of affirmation folks.
29. Prioritize your partner
There are a lot of relationships to manage in life—family, friendships, co-workers. Make it clear that you are each other’s priorities over everyone else.
30. Go to sleep at the same time
Creating a nighttime routine and going to sleep at the same time will harbor closeness and also offer a chance to talk about the day or plan for the next.
31. Create vision boards together
Take some time to create individual vision boards, then share them with each other. Seeing each other’s hopes and dreams for the future in a visual way can create meaningful conversations about where you’re headed, both individually and as a couple.
32. Share a daily gratitude moment
Start or end each day by sharing a few things you’re each grateful for. Could be something about your relationship, could be a great cup of coffee or line of poetry or random act of kindness you/your partner experienced that day.
33. Plan surprises
Surprises don’t have to be grandiose, but they are thoughtful ways to show your love and how important your partner is to you. Do they love chocolate? Hide a bar under their pillow or plan a dessert date at a new chocolate shop.
34. Talk about painful past experiences
Don’t shy away from sharing painful experiences with your partner. When you trust your partner and feel safe with them, it can take the depth of your relationship to the next level.
35. Start (and finish) an iconic TV series together
Need a new show to watch? Start watching a series that has shaken up pop culture from the past or present. Some recs off the top of my head: Mad Men, The Sopranos, Sex and the City, Girls, Stranger Things, etc. etc.
36. Learn a new language
Interested in broadening your linguistic horizons? Start learning (or refreshing) a foreign language you’ve always been curious about. Even better: Plan a trip to a country where they speak the language you’re learning.
37. Start a monthly supper club
Create a supper club for your friends to join and try new restaurants. Each month, someone picks a new restaurant to try as a crew. It will nourish your friendships, your relationships, and, of course, your bodies with new and delicious food.
38. Visit an art gallery
Expand your art and cultural knowledge and take a trip to an art gallery. Take a guided tour or visit a new exhibit together to learn about history and each other’s art preferences.
39. Divvy up chores
If you and your partner live together, discussing how and when you will handle household tasks and chores will keep your home (and relationship) running smoothly.
40. Lean into your similarities
While, yes, it’s important to understand your differences and how to navigate them, it’s just as important to nurture your relationship by identifying what you have in common as a couple.
41. Acknowledge your differences
Again, differences are good and a part of having a relationship. Rather than ignoring or avoiding differences in your personalities or lifestyles, talk about them and how they make you feel.
42. Practice patience
It’s easy to become frustrated with your partner. Remind yourself to be patient (and expect the same in return), acknowledging whenever you’re feeling impatient.
43. Affirm each other’s feelings
Rather than trying to fix or change your partner’s feelings, create space for them to share and affirm whatever concerns, fears, or worries they may be dealing with.
44. Get silly
Laughter bonds you to your partner, so make space to get silly together on the daily. Dance, sing, joke, and get playful to encourage lots of laughs.
45. Help each other heal
Whether you are dealing with past trauma or your partner is struggling with a recent death in the family, support each other in the grieving and healing process. Don’t shy away from sadness, anger and processing all of it.
46. Talk about stress
Checking in on what’s stressing each of you out can help you identify and manage how stress is impacting you—individually and as a couple—and help you figure out to minimize it in each other’s lives.
47. Create a couple’s calendar
Maintain a busy schedule? Create a joint calendar to keep each other posted on commitments and plans.
48. Discuss how often you talk during the work day
Establishing how often you want to check in with each other on a daily basis as a couple will help you each understand what works (and what doesn’t) in terms of day-to-day communication.
49. Support a cause together
Donating your time, money, or skills to something you are passionate about as a couple will not only bring you closer with your partner, it will establish what’s important to you on a fundamental level.
50. Support each other’s goals
As we mentioned, couple’s goals are important (or, hi, you wouldn’t be reading this article). But supporting each other’s individual goals will also help you stay stronger within your partnership.
